New time of life

 Welcome one and all to a blog that'd been forgotten and now revamped in many many ways. 

I still have been writing a lot. And wish to transfer them here! 

Three moves and two kids later this kid grew up and shares stories like you can only expanse :) 

For The Dancing And The Dreaming

My Dear readers if your still there.
I apologies for my Absence to writing here.
 In a nut shell life has been crazy busy sense house fire of March 2015
Moved to Ohio in June 2015, then back to my parents farm in Kansas January 2016
 then to Oklahoma to help my Grandmother in April 2016.
God made a friendship grow into much more from Ohio to Oklahoma. a very sweet story that sometime I will take the time to share with you later.
 At this time of life, I'm a married Lady, living in a city with my husband and looking for the right job.
 Do to time and respect of my horse, we found him a good home in 2015 on a 200 head heard ranch where he now thrives with others horses and people who will be able to spend all the time he needs with him.
 Sadie (Marsadies) lives at my parents farm tell we can live in a place that will except dogs over 40 lbs. I'll admit not having her with me is painful at times but I know she is happy chasing Marmmy's kittens much to their dismay.

 I now have 7 sister in/laws and two brother in/laws from my husbands side, his parents are amazing and welcome me with open arms as the rest of the aunts, uncles, grandparents and abundance of cousins =)
 Life in the windy city is somewhat over whelming but easy enough to work with. 
I know this is just a stepping stone to where God wants us in the long run. Speaking of which, God has replaced on my heart what I failed to do before the fire and I'll admit I'm ashamed at how long its taken me to come to terms with the idea again.
 My next post will be of length and direction. this weekend will be spent in prayer and stead fasting. for hopefully by Monday I will be given the exact words to express to the public the plans God has placed on my heart at such a young age. With my husband Joe to follow as head of our home I am truly blessed that God has given him a similar if not the exact dream He gave me.


Tell the next posting to you all.
 Blessings,
One of Gods Kids

Torn heart Broken

UToday has been a hard day... It stared last night at EMS class.. 

We were being taught about cardiac arrest.. And how many people die from the simple denial of anything being wrong...I lost my uncle Larry to denial...it was the hardest new to reserve via  Facebook message...

 I woke up today and mom informed me it's my late grand dad's birthday... He would have been 77 today.. A longing for that retaliation-ship hit strong... Larry was my grand dads brother.. Great men are in heaven watching out over me...but there are times I wish I could just have a hug.. 

 We have had sightings of bobcats around a 15 mile area at the farm.. It explained the behavior in my baby's.(animals) 

 Joeys tense reaction. Easily flighty. (Horse) Sadie howling... Hiding in the buildings.. Not chasing joe. (Boarder coli) 

 Last week we discovered our neighbors dog was in heat..which is a normal thing. My baby, who has gone through hell and back with me from when I was 12 to 20. Started going down there...not even I mile away. I could always tell where he was because his higher pitched playing bark echoed across the corn. He was always good at checking in with me every 3 hours. We would have some play love time then hed leave again.

 It has been 5 days sense I have seen my beloved Sammy. No barking..neighbors haven't seen him....I knew Sunday something wasn't right...my heart broke today after each rare put into it by the mornings I'd get up and he didn't great me for breakfast...each evening I'd get home from class and we couldn't play. Or just hang out...my heart broke today when mom confirmed she went and asked the neighbors... 

 I miss my boy. Who helped get over daisy loosing the foal.. Then putting her down do to infection...I miss my boy who always made me laugh when I was to young to understand why my parents didn't get along...I miss my boy who concerted me through the deaths of so many great men...uncle   Dewan. Uncle Larry. Clay. Grandpa... I miss my boy who not matter how far I ran into the field on a windy day to watch a storm, always come after me. I miss my boy who concerted me when I fell down. He was already down there to lick me.. Today my heart broke. I lost a childhood friend... No one can understand what one animal who cares can mean to me...they never said anything to hurt me..always eager and happy. 

 Lord thank you for making great amazing friends for us on this earth..I know that day will come that we all will be together again.. And right now Sammy is amount great men. Rip to my beloved men. It was an amazing season that you all influenced this girls life. 

Goals dreams and life

About a month or so ago someone asked me, "When was the last time you shared your testimony?" this simple question sent my brain into scrambles.....have I ever shared....I know my family shares my life for me so I don't normally think to talk about myself...unless I think Gods doing something amazing that includes me....in my mind I always saw myself as a George Baillie on the movie my mom watches around Christmas each year “It’s a wonderful life”
 except in that movie he (George) had dreams he gave up to do what was right and impacted people’s lives.

 Again in my mind, I apparently thought since God had to point it out to me, that George was living the perfect life, and I would just skip having dreams hopes and other things, that way I could just do what was right…sounds silly huh?

 As a child (Still childlike thinking here) every one told me “God had great plans for my life.”
To a 5 6 or 7 year old, that just sounds odd, in a since of how do you know what God talks to me about?
Then later I’d discover that mom or someone else in the family has shared my how I entered the world with so many uncertainty’s. (jondus, open heart surgery and the possibility of never being able to talk or make any noise at all.) People looked at me different. Some as weaker or fragile, some as a God send, others as hope.
 God has blessed me with a lot of sensitive feelings that most people don’t have, so at that time of my life it was a suffocating sensation, sheepish grin.
 Odd thought! How does a child’s mind set influence a young adults mind set?
Well in this case, being Fragile and already such a God send, (the way people made it sound) it made me more determined to outdo any one my age in anything we could do. Of cores asthma and allergies helped kick that mind set in the rear end (humble lesson came many times later in life) tell you the truth having this mind set only made me more stubborn and un willing to do things, like school learning to read, and many other things.
 It also taught me that dreams where good as long as they could improve someone else….so being a ballerina when I grew up was cool, but being a Doctor or a missionary was more logical and could help people better.
 A lot of ambitions and goals where set with this mind set, graduating so you can go to college and do what you’re supposed to do.
 Did you also know life is a big factor on how things work out? Mindset. Graduate when your 15, one year before your older sister……reality 18½ ….later then all your sisters. Like I said before God has humbled me a lot on this journey. Sheepish grin.
 In 2007 I “told” God, hey aren’t I suppose to be training for something big here? We are supposed to be out of country by next year helping people. I was 13. This makes me laugh thinking back over it and how even then God has so much patient’s for His children. Shakes head.
 Guess what? First mission trip away from family for a whole week working with a vbs program in Nebraska….talk about being oh so stiff, luckily God sent someone to pry me out of my shell, which at that time in life was kind of hard to do, my thinking (If you don’t let anyone know your hurting then they can’t hurt you.) perhaps thinking is to dangerous for this little duck…
 Any who, that ended up being one of my best growing experiences of my life, In just one week, I dropped my fear of bridges, the fear of reaching out willingly, (reaching out is easy but willingly was hard.) the fear of opening my heart to a stranger…trying out laddish odd things, like joining the ooga booga tribe((Giggles))
 that’s when a dream came in that to me didn’t help anyone but myself, Barrel racing. I never said I didn’t dream the impossible, I just said what was logical….you might think why would that be impossible? By 2007 she had a horse, she knew what to do….?
 Laughs historically to myself.
Having a horse is a start, and God knew exactly what he was doing when He had uncle Mark give me daisy may, (Right brain introvert) I tell you when he gave me that loving un normal cluttsy as I was horse, amazing joy and fear battled in me.
 One. I had a horse….I long generational child hood dream…
two. What was I going to do with her??
Three. Let go and Let God.
 I could carry on about this story all day, in all the adventures we had…the easiest way to say it, is quoting Pat Perilli “Green on Green makes Black and blue!” oh how this is so true, but the amazing thing is, she was the first being I call recall seeing in my screwed up little mind that gave me unconditional  love, just as they would talk about God had for us…=)
 Lots of God lessons with a horse who out slowed a turtle… giggles barrel racing who’d have thought?

 Well once you are considering dreams, they don’t really stop….they keep coming and with a vengeance!
After that next year losing my beloved friend Daisy may from child hood that was always there when life was just too big for a kid, God blessed me with time to morn….time to heal…but I took it as a dead dream…why rely on something that can die….my heart for horses died…for a year and a half…in this time I had tried to do horses again…went out to Equine eagles as a volunteer for one afternoon, granted scooping poop isn’t what you might think would be healing…but if you ever step with in five or ten feet of miss Debra dealing with things….you’re not dealing with it for very long, it will be delt with and healed.
 Wanna know what a funny thing to me is? Time and timing. My heart hurt but in two months after having to put daisy down, my Dad found another horse for me…and what a switch! Going from a right brain introvert to a left brain over baring extravert who was as hard headed as I was….and can still be.
 God knows all, and heals all. Granted I at that time worked with joey and just became madder and more determined to win then care. There was no way we were going to get any were, so train him and move him out…almost sold him a couple times. God has His hand in everything, this horse, Joey, and I had so much in common we mirrored each other’s feelings all the time and still do to this day. Grins.
 Joseph aka Joey had a back story I could relate to, he had been what they call ‘Green broke” by age 2, and abounded for four years. It’s amazing how God can work when you’re open to him. Grins.
 By the time Joey and I started to get along…and not be afraid of each other I was 16 or 17. So 2010ish.
My dad said I needed some horse lessons, I could choose who, and we would end joey to the Amish…still not liking that thought.
 We ended up doing Equine eagles for me and me for Joe. Laughs! Not only was I able to learn horses with a God send, but heal from childhood thoughts as well, being not good enough, incompetent, you can’t learn that, that’s too big to take on. Etc.
 Oh look out chains are broken and no more fear and lies! Mahahahahaha
In the summer of 2010 God gave me dreams in the night to think about during the day….later to tell me ”this is what I have planned for you.” Jaw dropping “God are you sure you want me?”
I’m sure the Lord has laughed at my bewilderment many times….sheepish grin
 did you know in one’s mind things can seem huge and impossible to comprehend? Just wait tell God tells you what’s in His!!
  For nothing is ever impossible when God is in it. Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the Plans I have for you says the Lord.”

For we shall mount up on the wings of eagles, Isaiah something
 do not live in the spirit of fear, cry out to the father “abba” and he shall fight for you, Romans 8ish

Oh the Joy of the Lord is my strength. =) for He gives me joy, every time He shows me more of his plan, in helping others, working with horses, and Dancing before him in joyous song.
 I’m not sure if you can call this a testimony, or just the rattling’s of my mind to you. But It has been an ever growing running after God journey for me. May it in some way bless you and let you know you aren’t the only one that seems lost or not taken to full depths. God understands all, even when we are hard headed and slightly demanding…Guilty here…God loves us any way unconditionally just like the fuzzy friend you might have grown up with.
 Feel free to ask me anything, I am never shy when God is close. Just know, you have no one better to seek healing council and love from then God.

Blessings to all,
Just a Kid now open to God

The impossible in Dreams

 What makes lava come from a volcano?Well, you could explain by each signified aspect in each detailed step of pressure build up that it has. Releasing gasses, causing pressure, activating lava flow (aka) magnum, pressurizing sequence for explosions, the bursting effect and the first stages of ash, clouds, earth trimmers and abrasive heat. But I won't bore you with the odd fascination I have with Volcano's. Instead I'd like to take note through Blogging, of a Dream I had around 2:53 this morning. Granted I don't recall every detail, but I'm sure that as I start relaying it to you, that it will come forth from the subconscious of my mind, (hoping here)  Isn't snow a marvel? It’s so angelic, peaceful, detailed and brings all the joys of winter.But you know if you are not wise or are into it too long. It can be the cause of so many bad things as well? Falling on your tuckis (word liberty from the Frisco Kid, Meaning Butt, hinny, caboose, rump, pain in the south end and so on) freezing the water lines, making it inconvenient to go outside, making ice mustaches on your beloved pets. The list is endless when you’re in that kind of mind set. Mind sets are indeed tricky things. Being in the wrong mind set seems to be easier than being in the right mind set. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to complain about work? Or how fast the grass grows? Or something else that is irritant to you? But it is hard for most people to say thank you Lord for today. Or be blessed on your way.Indeed people find it much easier to complain then give thanks. It’s truly saddening to think about.Are you starting to wonder if I have a point yet?Well to assure you, I do. But it is important to get all the steps and bunny trails in before you get to lost. (giggles) Now on to the dream. Man has it taken us a bit of time to get here.We use to have this old Farm truck you see, It was almost a replica of the one  keanu reeves drives in the movie lake house. (I’ve said before I am a movie buff.)

Now you see what I see, I shall move on. In the Dream I was driving this lovely classic in the dead of winter on the high way heading north out of town toward our small loving at the moment five acker farm,(but in the dream it was about 75 ackers) with numb toes and an Indian blanket, since the heater failed to work. It’s amazing how much you can feel even in your sleep, I suppose my air conditioner was working extremely well at two in the morning.  Any who, heading back from the feed store in town it started “snowing” harder than before, almost making it completely impossible to see a thing. It had started streaking the wind shield and freezing the wipers. Odd combination I thought to myself in the dream.  Thinking to one’s self in dreams sounds rather cheesy if you’re not a dreamer. But I am so this is rather normal!  I got out to pore hot liquid (a canister of coffee, if you know me you would find that funny, considering I hated coffee tell God Told me to start working with kids) onto the wipers so I could make it the rest of the 5 miles home.  Once I had ungumbed the wipers and cleaned the shield I turned and saw red firey liquid spewing in the nearby field. The sky was an orangey red smoldering color that can’t be described than that what I just said.  Perplexed but fully aware of what it was, I raced back to the farm to learn my entire Family was there, including my sister, brother in-law and their five foster kids from another state. (a time most crucial, every one gathers. Ironic right?) 


Running to my father, (the spiritual leader of our home) I exclaimed that “we must gather the life stock, family and bail!”  I can still see the perplexed look on his face in my mind, and it makes me laugh. In the simplest words that could be said he told me, “No. we are safe here.”  Beguiled I could not contain my fear of what I saw in the field and shared lividly what it was and what should be done in precise order. (What can I say, sometimes unwise instinct kicks in when in panic mode)  My father placed both his hands on my shoulders and said, “Jessica, have Faith and Know our Lord.” (Can you say hit by a two by four? I can it hurts)Niv Romans 8:15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, ""Abba," Father." This part has so much meaning to me, that I’d have to start a new post just to describe the wonders it holds…might do that tomorrow!  After the “Snow” which was acutely ash had stopped. But the lava hadn’t. it kept getting closer to Gods land. (The land we lived on) I can recall going outside bare foot in the snow, (why it is so definite in my mind is un known to me, but God gets it) I can still feel the numbing cold on my feet.  But the heat of the lava as it slowly inched closer. Sincetifculy thinking, you would know this would be impossible. But “With God all things are possible.”  Then the oddest thing happened. The flow of the lava switched. From heading south it turned east and west. Going completely around us. Like a huge gigantic circle. (Hotchi drew rain circles, who knew a lava circle could be drawn, reference from the “Circle maker”)  Granted the horses took a wail to calm, but we were safe. No one, and nothing was harmed on the farm. We all sang a song of praise to the Lord, and I woke to my own voice in the night. Feeling hot and numbing cold at once.


The Lord works through any way He can, may it be in a dream so nothing else is distracting you then He will use it. Be open to the Lord, change your mind to the positive and give praise to the Father! Even though it may seem impossible (like snow and lava) anything can happen when you have faith and trust!
Blessings!  Just anything From a Kids open heart

fav quotes and frases

'for indeed he fell with Great violence into the dust.' this one I think is from Robinson Curso, my sister quotes it all the time, for indeed it is a marvelous sang. I shall never be able to hear of it again with out picturing her noble look as she says it onto me with such ease and robust Air about her. I will add more as i remember them!

finding my way around

helping my sister make a blogg is most exitint, I must say.
finding new fonts, a new name, pictures, inspertain. and oodlies of fun time to gether.
Its made me want to play around with the fonts on mine, so as you can see the words are biger, crazyer and all down right fun.
after all this, I went to go and locate her to follow her on my blog!
but oh snap...................ware is she??
I went throw gogle looking for 'note these are the wonderings of a disturbed mined'....but it didnt regester her blog was around, or for that matter any ware to be seen.......
oh my....what terrible mistake had i burdend my self with now.?

she is sitting right next to me, asking me a world full of questions......that i havent a clue how to answer, for I myself, am barely ahead of her in knowlege apone this particuler subgect.......oh my. what shall I do.

I'm trieing to fined my pore lost sister, wall she is tring to figer thing out....what is more in portant? finding a lost being? or napping to make sure you havent gone to crazy???