About
a month or so ago someone asked me, "When was the last time you shared
your testimony?" this simple question sent my brain into
scrambles.....have I ever shared....I know my family shares my life for me so I
don't normally think to talk about myself...unless I think Gods doing something
amazing that includes me....in my mind I always saw myself as a George Baillie
on the movie my mom watches around Christmas each year “It’s a wonderful life”
except in that movie he (George) had dreams he gave up to do what was right and impacted people’s lives.
except in that movie he (George) had dreams he gave up to do what was right and impacted people’s lives.
Again in my mind, I apparently thought since
God had to point it out to me, that George was living the perfect life, and I
would just skip having dreams hopes and other things, that way I could just do
what was right…sounds silly huh?
As a child (Still childlike thinking here) every
one told me “God had great plans for my life.”
To a 5 6 or 7 year old, that just sounds odd, in a since of how do you know what God talks to me about?
Then later I’d discover that mom or someone else in the family has shared my how I entered the world with so many uncertainty’s. (jondus, open heart surgery and the possibility of never being able to talk or make any noise at all.) People looked at me different. Some as weaker or fragile, some as a God send, others as hope.
God has blessed me with a lot of sensitive feelings that most people don’t have, so at that time of my life it was a suffocating sensation, sheepish grin.
Odd thought! How does a child’s mind set influence a young adults mind set?
Well in this case, being Fragile and already such a God send, (the way people made it sound) it made me more determined to outdo any one my age in anything we could do. Of cores asthma and allergies helped kick that mind set in the rear end (humble lesson came many times later in life) tell you the truth having this mind set only made me more stubborn and un willing to do things, like school learning to read, and many other things.
It also taught me that dreams where good as long as they could improve someone else….so being a ballerina when I grew up was cool, but being a Doctor or a missionary was more logical and could help people better.
A lot of ambitions and goals where set with this mind set, graduating so you can go to college and do what you’re supposed to do.
Did you also know life is a big factor on how things work out? Mindset. Graduate when your 15, one year before your older sister……reality 18½ ….later then all your sisters. Like I said before God has humbled me a lot on this journey. Sheepish grin.
In 2007 I “told” God, hey aren’t I suppose to be training for something big here? We are supposed to be out of country by next year helping people. I was 13. This makes me laugh thinking back over it and how even then God has so much patient’s for His children. Shakes head.
Guess what? First mission trip away from family for a whole week working with a vbs program in Nebraska….talk about being oh so stiff, luckily God sent someone to pry me out of my shell, which at that time in life was kind of hard to do, my thinking (If you don’t let anyone know your hurting then they can’t hurt you.) perhaps thinking is to dangerous for this little duck…
Any who, that ended up being one of my best growing experiences of my life, In just one week, I dropped my fear of bridges, the fear of reaching out willingly, (reaching out is easy but willingly was hard.) the fear of opening my heart to a stranger…trying out laddish odd things, like joining the ooga booga tribe((Giggles))
that’s when a dream came in that to me didn’t help anyone but myself, Barrel racing. I never said I didn’t dream the impossible, I just said what was logical….you might think why would that be impossible? By 2007 she had a horse, she knew what to do….?
Laughs historically to myself.
Having a horse is a start, and God knew exactly what he was doing when He had uncle Mark give me daisy may, (Right brain introvert) I tell you when he gave me that loving un normal cluttsy as I was horse, amazing joy and fear battled in me.
One. I had a horse….I long generational child hood dream…
two. What was I going to do with her??
Three. Let go and Let God.
I could carry on about this story all day, in all the adventures we had…the easiest way to say it, is quoting Pat Perilli “Green on Green makes Black and blue!” oh how this is so true, but the amazing thing is, she was the first being I call recall seeing in my screwed up little mind that gave me unconditional love, just as they would talk about God had for us…=)
Lots of God lessons with a horse who out slowed a turtle… giggles barrel racing who’d have thought?
Well once you are considering dreams, they don’t really stop….they keep coming and with a vengeance!
After that next year losing my beloved friend Daisy may from child hood that was always there when life was just too big for a kid, God blessed me with time to morn….time to heal…but I took it as a dead dream…why rely on something that can die….my heart for horses died…for a year and a half…in this time I had tried to do horses again…went out to Equine eagles as a volunteer for one afternoon, granted scooping poop isn’t what you might think would be healing…but if you ever step with in five or ten feet of miss Debra dealing with things….you’re not dealing with it for very long, it will be delt with and healed.
Wanna know what a funny thing to me is? Time and timing. My heart hurt but in two months after having to put daisy down, my Dad found another horse for me…and what a switch! Going from a right brain introvert to a left brain over baring extravert who was as hard headed as I was….and can still be.
God knows all, and heals all. Granted I at that time worked with joey and just became madder and more determined to win then care. There was no way we were going to get any were, so train him and move him out…almost sold him a couple times. God has His hand in everything, this horse, Joey, and I had so much in common we mirrored each other’s feelings all the time and still do to this day. Grins.
Joseph aka Joey had a back story I could relate to, he had been what they call ‘Green broke” by age 2, and abounded for four years. It’s amazing how God can work when you’re open to him. Grins.
By the time Joey and I started to get along…and not be afraid of each other I was 16 or 17. So 2010ish.
My dad said I needed some horse lessons, I could choose who, and we would end joey to the Amish…still not liking that thought.
We ended up doing Equine eagles for me and me for Joe. Laughs! Not only was I able to learn horses with a God send, but heal from childhood thoughts as well, being not good enough, incompetent, you can’t learn that, that’s too big to take on. Etc.
Oh look out chains are broken and no more fear and lies! Mahahahahaha
In the summer of 2010 God gave me dreams in the night to think about during the day….later to tell me ”this is what I have planned for you.” Jaw dropping “God are you sure you want me?”
I’m sure the Lord has laughed at my bewilderment many times….sheepish grin
did you know in one’s mind things can seem huge and impossible to comprehend? Just wait tell God tells you what’s in His!!
For nothing is ever impossible when God is in it. Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the Plans I have for you says the Lord.”
To a 5 6 or 7 year old, that just sounds odd, in a since of how do you know what God talks to me about?
Then later I’d discover that mom or someone else in the family has shared my how I entered the world with so many uncertainty’s. (jondus, open heart surgery and the possibility of never being able to talk or make any noise at all.) People looked at me different. Some as weaker or fragile, some as a God send, others as hope.
God has blessed me with a lot of sensitive feelings that most people don’t have, so at that time of my life it was a suffocating sensation, sheepish grin.
Odd thought! How does a child’s mind set influence a young adults mind set?
Well in this case, being Fragile and already such a God send, (the way people made it sound) it made me more determined to outdo any one my age in anything we could do. Of cores asthma and allergies helped kick that mind set in the rear end (humble lesson came many times later in life) tell you the truth having this mind set only made me more stubborn and un willing to do things, like school learning to read, and many other things.
It also taught me that dreams where good as long as they could improve someone else….so being a ballerina when I grew up was cool, but being a Doctor or a missionary was more logical and could help people better.
A lot of ambitions and goals where set with this mind set, graduating so you can go to college and do what you’re supposed to do.
Did you also know life is a big factor on how things work out? Mindset. Graduate when your 15, one year before your older sister……reality 18½ ….later then all your sisters. Like I said before God has humbled me a lot on this journey. Sheepish grin.
In 2007 I “told” God, hey aren’t I suppose to be training for something big here? We are supposed to be out of country by next year helping people. I was 13. This makes me laugh thinking back over it and how even then God has so much patient’s for His children. Shakes head.
Guess what? First mission trip away from family for a whole week working with a vbs program in Nebraska….talk about being oh so stiff, luckily God sent someone to pry me out of my shell, which at that time in life was kind of hard to do, my thinking (If you don’t let anyone know your hurting then they can’t hurt you.) perhaps thinking is to dangerous for this little duck…
Any who, that ended up being one of my best growing experiences of my life, In just one week, I dropped my fear of bridges, the fear of reaching out willingly, (reaching out is easy but willingly was hard.) the fear of opening my heart to a stranger…trying out laddish odd things, like joining the ooga booga tribe((Giggles))
that’s when a dream came in that to me didn’t help anyone but myself, Barrel racing. I never said I didn’t dream the impossible, I just said what was logical….you might think why would that be impossible? By 2007 she had a horse, she knew what to do….?
Laughs historically to myself.
Having a horse is a start, and God knew exactly what he was doing when He had uncle Mark give me daisy may, (Right brain introvert) I tell you when he gave me that loving un normal cluttsy as I was horse, amazing joy and fear battled in me.
One. I had a horse….I long generational child hood dream…
two. What was I going to do with her??
Three. Let go and Let God.
I could carry on about this story all day, in all the adventures we had…the easiest way to say it, is quoting Pat Perilli “Green on Green makes Black and blue!” oh how this is so true, but the amazing thing is, she was the first being I call recall seeing in my screwed up little mind that gave me unconditional love, just as they would talk about God had for us…=)
Lots of God lessons with a horse who out slowed a turtle… giggles barrel racing who’d have thought?
Well once you are considering dreams, they don’t really stop….they keep coming and with a vengeance!
After that next year losing my beloved friend Daisy may from child hood that was always there when life was just too big for a kid, God blessed me with time to morn….time to heal…but I took it as a dead dream…why rely on something that can die….my heart for horses died…for a year and a half…in this time I had tried to do horses again…went out to Equine eagles as a volunteer for one afternoon, granted scooping poop isn’t what you might think would be healing…but if you ever step with in five or ten feet of miss Debra dealing with things….you’re not dealing with it for very long, it will be delt with and healed.
Wanna know what a funny thing to me is? Time and timing. My heart hurt but in two months after having to put daisy down, my Dad found another horse for me…and what a switch! Going from a right brain introvert to a left brain over baring extravert who was as hard headed as I was….and can still be.
God knows all, and heals all. Granted I at that time worked with joey and just became madder and more determined to win then care. There was no way we were going to get any were, so train him and move him out…almost sold him a couple times. God has His hand in everything, this horse, Joey, and I had so much in common we mirrored each other’s feelings all the time and still do to this day. Grins.
Joseph aka Joey had a back story I could relate to, he had been what they call ‘Green broke” by age 2, and abounded for four years. It’s amazing how God can work when you’re open to him. Grins.
By the time Joey and I started to get along…and not be afraid of each other I was 16 or 17. So 2010ish.
My dad said I needed some horse lessons, I could choose who, and we would end joey to the Amish…still not liking that thought.
We ended up doing Equine eagles for me and me for Joe. Laughs! Not only was I able to learn horses with a God send, but heal from childhood thoughts as well, being not good enough, incompetent, you can’t learn that, that’s too big to take on. Etc.
Oh look out chains are broken and no more fear and lies! Mahahahahaha
In the summer of 2010 God gave me dreams in the night to think about during the day….later to tell me ”this is what I have planned for you.” Jaw dropping “God are you sure you want me?”
I’m sure the Lord has laughed at my bewilderment many times….sheepish grin
did you know in one’s mind things can seem huge and impossible to comprehend? Just wait tell God tells you what’s in His!!
For nothing is ever impossible when God is in it. Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the Plans I have for you says the Lord.”
For we shall mount up on the wings of eagles, Isaiah something
do not live in the spirit of fear, cry out to the father “abba” and he shall fight for you, Romans 8ish
Oh the Joy of the Lord is my strength. =) for He gives me joy, every time He shows me more of his plan, in helping others, working with horses, and Dancing before him in joyous song.
I’m not sure if you can call this a testimony, or just the rattling’s of my mind to you. But It has been an ever growing running after God journey for me. May it in some way bless you and let you know you aren’t the only one that seems lost or not taken to full depths. God understands all, even when we are hard headed and slightly demanding…Guilty here…God loves us any way unconditionally just like the fuzzy friend you might have grown up with.
Feel free to ask me anything, I am never shy when God is close. Just know, you have no one better to seek healing council and love from then God.
Blessings to all,
Just a Kid now open to God
do not live in the spirit of fear, cry out to the father “abba” and he shall fight for you, Romans 8ish
Oh the Joy of the Lord is my strength. =) for He gives me joy, every time He shows me more of his plan, in helping others, working with horses, and Dancing before him in joyous song.
I’m not sure if you can call this a testimony, or just the rattling’s of my mind to you. But It has been an ever growing running after God journey for me. May it in some way bless you and let you know you aren’t the only one that seems lost or not taken to full depths. God understands all, even when we are hard headed and slightly demanding…Guilty here…God loves us any way unconditionally just like the fuzzy friend you might have grown up with.
Feel free to ask me anything, I am never shy when God is close. Just know, you have no one better to seek healing council and love from then God.
Blessings to all,
Just a Kid now open to God
